"Do not provoke your children to anger..."

I was working late in my office the other night. Sitting at the computer trying to finish a letter, I was startled by a loud commotion outside. It sounded like voices, but I wasn’t sure- so I parted the blinds and looked out. A truck was parked in the parking lot, and a 30-something man was walking ahead of a boy in a baseball uniform who looked to be no more than eight. They were coming from one of the ball fields behind the playground. The loud commotion was a combination of the man’s yelling and the boy’s crying. And as I stood watching and listening, I began to feel as if my heart would break.

The man was screaming at the boy, kicking the gravel and trashing about with the ball cap he tore off his head. They got in the truck, and from the front seat I could see the man turn toward the boy in the back and continue his verbal assault, waving his hands wildly, continuing to yell at the top of his lungs. The only words I could understand were, “…when I say run, I mean run!” Through the truck’s open window I could hear the child sobbing. Gut-wrenching sobs. Then with a quick turn, sudden acceleration and spinning of tires they were gone. It had lasted less than a minute. But the image was burned into my mind to stay. Maybe it stuck with me so long because it reminded me of too many times I spoke in anger to our children when they were young. Never like the guy in the truck, mind you, but much more unkind than they ever deserved.

The sad fact is, way too many families probably communicate like that on a daily basis. Worse yet, the pattern for communication that boy saw his father model is a pattern he will likely follow with his own children when he becomes a father. It is the only way he has seen a father and son relate. He will most likely continue the cycle. Families develop “systems” for relating and responding, and those “systems” (whether healthy or unhealthy) are often passed down unchanged across the generations. Unless someone makes a conscious effort to break the cycle. I want to remind you that the Word of God has the power to change lives. It can break destructive cycles and give a fresh, new start.